Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize