What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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