You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He has the fingertips of a God
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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