So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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