we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
