If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
