i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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