she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
