Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
