You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
