She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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