absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
