u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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