dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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