The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
