please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
