She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
