Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
