Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize