You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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