oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
