Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize