My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
