Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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