so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
