I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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