Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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