I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He passed out mid-signature
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
