Four minutes until I can fart!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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