Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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