So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love you.
Bad choice
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
