What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
