Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
