why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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