I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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