that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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