I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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