I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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