He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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