I don't usually arrange sex via text message
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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