Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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