I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he puts the penis in happiness.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
