I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
