For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
