That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
