I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
