I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
