Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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