Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
