my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
