Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you had me at cake vodka
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
