I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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