he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
