Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
