It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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