Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
