come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
