that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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