I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
