need another drink. this is the easiest way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
