it hurts more in the daytime
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize