Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
