the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
