either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
