You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
