Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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