so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
