"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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