All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
