You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
