Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
