It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
