so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
