Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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